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Happy New Year! Or, Why Not to Make A Resolution

Posted on December 30, 2015 by Taber Times

By Nikki Jamieson
Taber Times
njamieson@tabertimes.com

I get it, I really do.

At the end of several days of merry-making, you feel good, that holiday-high has yet to wear off. It’s the end of the old year, you are motivated, and this is the year where you will finally cut all the sweets out of your diet. You can do it!

Fast forward six weeks, where you are buying discounted heart-shaped chocolate boxes by the cartful, ignoring the little voice in your head that goes on about what a horrible person you are, and ‘You promised!’

I have made many resolutions over the years; cut back on chocolate, eat more veggies, exercise more and get an ‘A’ in math.

All which I have broken sooner rather than later – in my defense of the math thing, I really should have seen it coming the moment my teacher walked in the room and wrote ‘Introduction to Advanced Rocket Science’ on the board.

Eventually, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions. It makes me happier to not have to try to stick to something that past experience has shown that I always end up breaking, and I don’t stress so much when eating the foods I want. I can just enjoy New Year’s and celebrate.

If you are someone who enjoys making resolutions, and can actually keep them, I applaud thee. Good on you for sticking to it, you are awesome!

But let’s face it, the majority of people cannot.
Who here remembers that Corner Gas episode, where Hank, Wanda and Karen try to make each other give up on their resolution first? The situation is something like that.
While it’s fun at first, ut sooner or later you just want to eat your licorice/get the comic books back/stop jogging.

I cannot remember the amount of times in January where I would go to the gym, only to have to turn around because every single machine and equipment was being used. Come February, the place is dead. Same thing with browsing the chip isles – nice and full for a couple of weeks, then I can’t get my favourite brand of salt & vinegar to save my life.

Some statistics: 31 per cent of women frequently make New Year’s resolutions compared to 23 per cent of men in 2012. And as for keeping them? 19 per cent broke them within the first 24 hours, 15 per cent in one week and 52 per cent in one month.

Now, while I have established that I am not the greatest at math, it does appear to me that the vast majority of resolution-makers are in the same boat as me; we suck at it.

According to Twitter earlier this year, the top ten Canadian resolutions for 2015 were work out, be happy, lose weight, stop smoking, unplug, be the best at something, stop drinking, love myself, work harder and ‘don’t f–k it up’.

All admirable resolutions, and a lot of them are easy enough to do, but statistically?About 85 per cent will give up on them within the first month. So only 14 per cent have a chance at making it the whole year? That makes the whole ‘be happy’ resolution a bit depressing if you ask me.

This year, according to the Twitter tag #NYResolution, Twitter resolutions include balancing alcohol and exercise, having a baby, running more, losing weight and achieving new personal bests. Hopefully these people have better luck.

But if you want to pledge to stop doing/do more of something, be my guest, all the power to you. Just please, don’t run over me when trying to get to the discounted chocolate in the middle of February.

But no matter what you decide, whether you are pledging a New Year’s resolution or not, do go and enjoy your Ney Year’s Eve/Day. Drink plenty of lovely bubbly at midnight, or do it like Bruce Wayne and fill that champagne flute with ginger ale instead. Break out the party crackers and the confetti. It’s a two-day holiday, so celebrate! Just be sure to stock up on Advil and coffee for the next day and be prepared for the clean up.

Hey, that could be your resolution this year: ‘I pledge to get the wing sauce out of the shag carpet, and find every last red plastic cup that was thrown out the window in the ‘Who throw it harder?’ contest.’

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